Saturday, March 17, 2012

Lessons Learned the Hard Way

    Have you ever had a day when nothing went as planned? Yesterday was one of those days, and it’s carried into today. One thing after another, small things but they don’t have to be big to disappoint. This is the beginning of week four, the week that we were told would be one of the hardest because we would start to feel the pressures of school as well as begin to miss home even more. I have to say that I didn’t really believe that it would be that big of a deal. After all I’m in Australia! That should mean that I’m happy to be here all the time right? The saying that “the grass is always greener on the other side” never means so much until you leave home for an extended amount of time. It’s the same way every time I drive eight hours to school, from Nashville, TN to Chicago, IL. I like school but after awhile it starts to feel like a prison and I just want to escape.  See, what I’m learning is there’s never just one hard thing you have to deal with at a time. When I was kid, I remember being so upset at one particular thing: maybe a toy broke or I had a fight with one of my siblings. Those things loomed large in my mind. But now that I’m an adult, there always seems to be so many things coming at me at once, tearing my focus from where it needs to be. You, the reader are probably wondering why I’m being such a downer but I told you in my previous update that I wanted to go deeper with this blog than just the surface level, fun things that I’m doing here. Amidst some of the struggles, here are some of the beautiful things God is teaching me at the moment:

    I mentioned in my last blog that I was able to go with a group of people to the Blue Mountains last weekend. It was a gorgeous place and I was glad I got to go. However, it was one of the hardest physical things I had ever done. I am not, and have never been, athletic. The most I do to work out is go on long walks or ride a bike, I’ve never been a runner and as much as I like hiking, I had never done a very long, strenuous one like we did last week. We started at the very top of these cliffs, climbed down a ton of stairs, walked on some flatter trails for a little while and then proceeded to climb up the other side of the cliffs. I decided afterwards that it would be ok if I never saw a set of stairs again after that. The point of this story is that my pride was stamped to the ground that day. I wanted so bad to keep up with the other people in my group. I did not want to be the straggler that struggled to take each step and sounded like I needed an inhaler. But that’s what happened. It’s been my unmentioned goal in life to not be in vulnerable situations. I like to believe that I’m a strong person mentally, emotionally, and physically. I’m not. And my Heavenly Father is breaking my walls down in this area. It hurts, but this is what I asked for. I’ve been in a spiritual ditch for quite some time now. I’ve never stopped trying to have a relationship with God but that was the whole point all along. It was my prideful thinking that I could do something to fix my own heart. This is not to say that I now have it all figured out now, but I am in the midst of learning to surrender. I didn’t have to travel to the other side of the world to learn these things, but God is using this time away from home in a powerful way and I’m grateful for it.


1 comment:

  1. You and I are a lot alike and I never knew it til now. I, like you, have a lot of walls up. I think my walls have walls which is why it's so hard for me to change myself. But lately I'm figuring out that I need to accept myself and find where I can't and change that thinking. I'm changing for the good, but when I get frustrated at myself for not being good at something, like running, then I make a mental check to work on accepting myself like that. I just need other ways to find out how to exercise and accept that I'm never going to really be a good runner because I have asthma and bad knees. It's not exactly being down on yourself if you realize your limits. Be aware that they can always be changed by God and He might ask you to be a part of the changing but it's accepting yourself and having self value. At least that's what I've been learning the past week or so. Know you are not alone in this :)

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